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"It's funny how things go, isn't it. Moira — it was Saralinda who made me realize a lot of things. She's so unafraid to love, even after all she's lost and and all she's gone through. Or rather, she may have fears about someday losing you or me or Jake, but she doesn't let that slow her down. She lives what she feels. Which made me realize that if running away from domestic bliss couldn't protect me from the fear of loss, then I should just go and love anyway, like Saralinda does. And if I can fear loss when I'm not 'settled down', then there's no point in running either; of not considering the possibility of domesticity."Moira, I love you so, so much. I want to be with you, always, for as long as I can have you. But I don't want to figure out how to make that happen. I want us to figure out how. I want there to be an 'us' that's not 'Gary' and 'one of his girls', but 'Moira and Gary', as equals.'Moira and Gary'! I almost couldn't breathe, which kept me from saying anything then,. She wanted other cocks now that I had brought up the subject, but she wouldn't do it unless I did.Finally I got up enough nerve to bring up the subject again. I told her that I knew she wanted to and that she knew it was all right with me so why didn't she just go ahead and do it? She gave me a little smile:"It's called leverage honey. I need something that I can hold over you."I started to say something but she held up a hand and said, "Listen to what I have to say and then you can talk. You say that watching me is your favorite fantasy, but you have never done it. What if I do it and you find out its not what you thought it would be? What if instead of being a big turn on it is a bigger turn off? What if after it's done you start looking at me like I'm some kind of whore because only a whore or a slut would do something like that. I can all ready tell you if I do it once I'll do it again."If you had brought this up in our first year of marriage I'd have been doing it for the last.
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